Having a baby does crazy stuff to your hormones.
I like to say that I cry twice a year. In reality, it might be three times. Rob always jokes he's seen me throw up more than he's seen me cry. Except it's not a joke.
The only exception is right after birth, when I get what the books call "baby blues." That is almost an offensive term because it makes this period sound really kind of sweet. Aw, she's got the baby blues! Isn't that cute! It's almost like being told you have a case of the Mondays.
I remember after having Lincoln weeping for literally hours at a time, bemoaning everything from the decisions made in his birth to the loss of my roller derby career that season because of a c-section to the fact that I felt exhausted by my first son after going through traumatic birth with his new baby bother.
Rob had no idea what to do with me. Throwing up is easy to handle. Three hours of crying from a woman who doesn't cry? I'm surprised he didn't have a panic attack.
All the while, I knew underneath my tears, there were hormones to blame. Some nights I cried over worries, and some nights I just cried. I remember telling Rob between sobs: "I'm really not sad. It's just the hormones."
This time it hasn't been so bad, but I do find when I talk about certain subjects, or mention certain things, the immediate reaction is weeping. (So mostly I've been avoiding serious conversations until the hormones level out.) I know for the most part anything I'm crying about is not worth the weeping. It is mostly just hormones.
And yet...there are many things worth weeping over.
Whether something small just affecting your life or something like the disastrous tornado in Oklahoma affecting so many lives, there are tears to be had. People often question (during the small or the large): does God know? Does God care what's going on down here?
Psalm 56 gives such encouragement to those questions. Another Psalm like that from last week, where David is facing human opposition, there is one single verse that resonated with me as I read:
Record my misery;
list my tears on your scroll--
are they not in your record?
God has a list of my tears and my misery. Not only is he aware, but he has a record that is much better than my memory could ever be.
We don't always have answers, and our little issues may seem small compared to a tornado's destructive power, but God knows and God cares. We may not have an answer or clear picture of how God is working in a situation and yet we can still trust that he cares.
I think of Matthew, where Jesus assures us of our worth as God's creation:
"Are not two sparrows sold for one penny? Yet not one of them falls to the ground outside your Father's care. And even the very hairs on your head are numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31
God has a list of our tears and the number of hairs on our heads. I don't even know the hairs on my head. God knows me better than I know myself and loves me more than I can fathom. I am worth more than many sparrows.
YOU are worth more than many sparrows.
He knows your sorrows and your joys and those of this world. He hears the weeping of loss today in our country and across the world; he also hears my hormone-induced weeping which seems so small when I stack it up against the tragedies of this world. Yet both are important to him.
So as you go about your day with its joys and sorrows, large and small, bring them to the Lord in thanksgiving or as requests. Know that he has a record of them, but still desires that you bring those to him because he cares for you.
Knowing that God cares for the sparrow and for human life, let us reflect that care in our own lives for those around us. If you want to donate to those affected by the tornado in Oklahoma, you can give through the Oklahoma Baptist Disaster Relief. Donations will go directly to those in need in Oklahoma.There are, of course, lots of other organizations, but I like ones that promise the money will go directly where you want it to go--to those in need.