Book Review: Silent to the Bone

This is a book I've already read several times and love, but I stumbled across it in Half-Price Books for $2, so just read it again. With a whole new perspective after having Sawyer, so I thought I'd write about it here.

First of all, this is a Young Adult book. I love Young Adult books. That's one of the genres I like to read, and one that I also write. I feel that so much happens to you when you are between the ages of 13-18. There are lots of books being written for adults that have younger protagonists, but there's something wonderful about books that are written about that age group FOR that age group. The ones for adults tend to have narrators or characters with voices that are too old somehow.

In any case, this novel is written by E.L. Konigsburg, also the author of From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, which everyone I knew read when we were in elementary or junior high. Silent to the Bone is the story of 13-year-old Connor Kane, who is on a mission: to communicate with his friend Branwell about the day his baby sister Nikki went into a coma. The only problem is that since that day, Branwell cannot--or will not--speak. And because of the nature of Nikki's injuries, charges may be filed against Branwell by the state. It's a page-turner, and Konigsburg does a great job with the characters and the unravelling of this compelling story. I could read it again today and not be bored, and I just finished it yesterday.

Here's the thing that was different when I read it this time: I now have a baby. Nikki is six months old in the book, and has suffered head trauma that caused the coma. It's been a while since I've talked about this on here, but I'm not a baby person. I love Sawyer, MY baby. But I never really had the burning desire to hold other peoples' babies, and though that has changed some, I still am not a baby person. When I read Silent to the Bone before baby, it was a great story. But reading it now, I had a horrible, sickening feeling in my stomach when it talked about Nikki being dropped and shaken into the coma. Because I could really picture this now--she's only a month older than Sawyer. And that made me visualize all of this in a new way that made the book resonate even deeper. Eek. Which in turn was a reminder of the ways that I've changed since Sawyer in unexpected ways!

Sleep Fighting

Sawyer has decided to take after both Rob and me in the sleep department. What he gets from Robbie is loving sleep--once he's asleep. What he gets from me is not wanting to miss anything, so not wanting to GO to sleep. It's been such a fight to get him to take naps especially. I usually nurse him to sleep (which I know you're not supposed to do, but hey--it works) on my side in bed. The last few days though he's even fought that. He'll be hungry, but even if I try to nurse him NOT in bed and then transfer him to crib, as soon as he gets down to nurse, he realizes what this game is and starts arching his back and fighting it. The little fighter! At last resort, when I KNOW he's tired and should be sleeping, I wear him in the sling and ignore him. As in, I don't talk to him and just go about my business or pace around the house til he gives in to it, then transfer him to crib. It's pretty exhausting, especially considering his naps: he takes two 45-minute naps and one that's around 2 hours. But it does make me thankful for the sling and that there is a way to get him down, even when he's saying no! Let's hope that this stubborn will of his doesn't continue as we move one day into the disciplining stage of things...but yeah, we're probably in for it.


Finally. Transferred to crib.

Sawyer's First Haircut!!

Sawyer woke up after his nice and early bedtime, but he was spitting up, so I'm glad he woke up! At that time, Robbie was getting a trim, so we decided to say goodbye to the trump combover. I love it! It was really fun and special to have both boys getting cuts at the same time.

Here Lynn and I are, chopping away. Sawyer seemed to like it. But maybe that's jut because he wants to do whatever Daddy is doing.
Me playing barber! Don't worry--I left the superman curl. :)
Rob getting his hair trimmed.
Buck got in on the action.
Post-haircut and post-bath.
The boys post-haircut.

Make-Up Photo

That last picture was not so cute of my son, so here's one to make up for it. :)

Busy Like a Beaver

Hey there! I have not been posting if you've noticed. My Mommy is here and we are enjoying a great visit together! Plus Rob has been working from the office more rather than from home, so I don't have access to his work computer--the only functional computer we have. Excuses, excuses. I do have some planned posts coming up: a book review, more cute photos, dealing with stubborn sleep fighting, and teething. So get excited and keep checking in. I'll be back at full Kiki strength one of these days...

The Great Escape

I forgot to post this the other day. Sawyer used to love sitting in this chair from Aunt Jo, but now he loves trying to escape from it. In the video he got distracted, but you can witness his efforts to bodily remove himself. My little Houdini. That's why these things have straps.

Sawyer's Monkey Feet

This video may at first appear to be a baby kicking at a toy. But if you watch closely, you can see Sawyer moving that orange lever up and down with his toes and curl his big toe around the turquoise ball to ring the bell. Crazy baby.

The Kind of Morning I Am Having

I'm with Garfield. Mondays. Blerg.

Because MaryBeth Is Making Me...

I'm doing one of those quiz thingies. Here we go...

01) are you currently in a serious relationship?
I would hope so.
02) what was your dream growing up?
To be a professional roller skater. :)
03) what talent do you wish you had?
Flying. Or, realistically, gymnastics. My mom says the butts in our family are too big and prevent us from doing cartwheels or other manuevers.
04) if I bought you a drink what would it be?
Black Russian, Margarita, or a Latte.
05) favorite vegetable?
I love me some veggies! I might have to say bell peppers (red) or asparagus.
06) what was the last book you read?
The Historian.
07) what zodiac sign are you?
Scorpio.
08) any tattoos and/or piercings? explain where.
I have several holes in my ears, though I don't wear earrings. I have a scar on my tongue from a piercing I had there. No tattoos.
09) worst habit?
Just one? Probably checking celebrity gossip websites. And eating ice cream.
10) if you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
I don't get this. If I saw you, MaryBeth walking down the street, would I offer you a ride? OR would other people offer me a ride if they saw me walking down the street? Probably yes to both.
11) what is your favorite sport?
Roller derby. Then soccer.
12) are you a pessimist or optimist?
I made this up: I'm a pessi-realist. :)
13) what would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
Again, hard time with the question. If I were stuck with MB, we'd catch up, because it's been a while. Or have a dance party because that sounds fun. I'd also maybe climb on her shoulders and try to escape through the hatch on top--do they have hatches, or is that just in movies??
14) worst thing to ever happen to you?
I've lost lots of older relatives, which was hard, but when we lost our great dane, that was more sudden and painful because she was hit by a car and it was unexpected. And I felt like it was my fault, since I let her off the leash.
15) tell me one weird fact about you.
I can whistle with my tongue. And I used to think I was a werewolf. :)
16) do you have any pets?
Tex the dog and Liam the fish. Used to have a hedgie, but I wasn't able to take care of him AND a new baby.
17) what if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
It would be not so clean, but comfortable. I'd make you food and we'd hang out.
18) what was your first impression of me?
These quesitons confuse me. My first impression of MB was that she was tall and intimidating. Sorry, MB. I was scared of you!
19) do you think clowns are cute or scary?
If you've ever seen Killer Klowns from Outer Space, you'd know.
20) if you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I would have real ankles, not cankles. So, I guess better legs.
21) would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Both?
22) what color eyes do you have?
Hazel.
23) ever been arrested?
Nope.
24) bottle or can soda?
Either. It's best from the fountain. I like my beer in bottles or draft.
25) if you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
Probably put it in savings. And take a little out for shopping. :)
27) what's your favorite place to hang out at?
I like coffee places, preferably NOT Starbucks. I love Borders.
28) do you believe in ghosts?
No. But I used to.
29) favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Blog. Play wordscraper. Read. Write. Eat.
30) do you swear a lot?
No.
31) biggest pet peeve?
Other people wasting my time.
32) in one word, how would you describe yourself?
Fun.
33) do you believe in/appreciate romance?
Yes.
34) favourite and least favourite food?
Favorite--way too hard to decide. I love bread and cheese and chocolate and pasta and about a thousand other things. Least favorite--pickles. Duh.
35) are you at all religious or spiritual?
Those terms kind of make me laugh, but I guess according to the going definitions, yes. I believe in one God and that He is holy and loving and personal. He knows the number of hairs on my head.

Anybody else who reads, feel free to repost these questions and answer on your blogs! This was kinda fun.

Sleeping Through the Night Yet?

That's one of those kind of awful questions that you get asked a lot when you have a baby. I say awful, because it's one of those questions that has an implication--your baby should be sleeping through the night, and the sooner the better. Sleep in the first few months is really elusive for Mom and Dad, and something you really want. Compound that with the question and there is a lot of expectation. Let me go ahead and lower those expectations a little: when a baby is sleeping five consecutive hours, that should be considered to be sleeping through the night.

That may not be good news if you have a little one and want more than five hours of sleep in a row at night. But I think it's important to hear that when facing the pressure that I think there is to get your baby sleeping as long as possible, as fast as possible. Be easy on yourself! Some babies may actually sleep 10-12 hours without waking for a feeding (ahem, Haley), but most babies need to feed or will wake more frequently. I know sometimes I've said that Sawyer sleeps for 12+ hours a night, which is true, but it's not true that he sleeps 12 hours without waking for a feeding.

Here's where Sawyer is right now: he sleeps from 7pm until 8:30am. But that is not an uninterrupted night! Between that 7pm and 11pm, he will nurse three or so times, often cluster nursing every hour. After around 11 or 12, he may nurse once or twice, and then he'll nurse again around 7 or 8am before waking about 8:30. He typically nurses through the night without really waking up. If I'm up, I listen on the monitor, and I hear the hunger cues (grunting and rooting around) before he fully wakes up. If I'm in bed with him, I wake up when he starts rooting and then fall back asleep while he nurses. He almost never fully awakens if I'm listening for his cues.

So that is kind of our typical night right now. He used to go to bed later, and we've gradually moved it down to 7pm. The last few nights, he's had an awake period sometime in the middle of the night, but rocking him works to get him back to bed, and I hope that this will diminish as he gets used to the earlier bedtime.

I hope this is encouraging if you're feeling sleep-deprived and/or pressured to have your child on some kind of sleeping-through-the-night schedule. I think our expectations are often unrealistic in that, and the way we talk to each other about it can unintentionally put pressure where we don't mean to on other Moms. Every child is different, and factors such as breast-feeding v formula-feeding can affect the waking as well. Sleeping is a struggle, and we should be patient with ourselves and our little ones!

My Boys

Sawyer May Be Ready for Solids...

...but I'm not! I've read in a few places that your baby is ready for solids when he or she seems interested. If that's true, Sawyer is way past ready. But I am wanting to postpone solids as long as possible, which is funny, because I feel like that's the opposite of most people who can't wait until their babies start on solids. Sawyer is gaining weight and growing at a very healthy rate, so I know that we're doing fine with nursing only. I will continue to nurse once we start solids too, but I also know how great breastmilk is for babies and so I want to keep that the primary source as long as possible. But the biggest reason is that I'm just not ready to move into a new phase yet--the making of food (I'm going to make my own), the new feeding schedule, the new way of feeding, the clean-up, the new kind of poop. I'm really content where we are. I love our sweet feeding times and the ease, now that we have got the hang of it. In fact, I think that I'm going to be both happy and really sad when Sawyer starts moving into this new eating phase!

Btw, click on the photo to see the hilarious drool coming out of his mouth. I don't think it had to do with the chicken, though he was totally reaching for it. He's quite the drool-monger.

Sawyer in His Jumpy Thing

Okay, in real life, this is fun to watch, but this video made me dizzy! This is what he does usually after his longer afternoon nap.

Fun from Today

Sporting an A&M hat with Gammy.
Doing sit-ups with Daddy. We're like the Chinese--training him for the Olympics already.
Bath time!
I'm sorry, but how cute is our kid?
Eating a toy in his high chair.
No, Sawyer, you can't have Gammy's tortilla chip.

Product Review: Space Bags!

A whole lot of clothes. A few plastic bags. A vacuum. And now, I have a cleaned out closet.

I always saw the ads on TV and then my parents tried them and said that they worked really well. So, Rob and I ordered Space Bags. They work! They really work! Here are some pictures chronicling my afternoon of sucking the air out of my stuff. My closet has never been so roomy. I would definitely recommend them if you are having space issues like we are!

My two tubs of stuff and the things Sawyer has outgrown.
Mom holding up the proof.
Surely two comforters and two blankets won't fit in one!
Oh, but they did. Here we have two comforters, two blankets, and two plus tubfuls of clothes. I'm so excited!!

Speaking of Fashion...

I'm still thinking clothes, between my boots post and cleaning out my closet today. (Pictures and a review to follow soon of a fun organizing product!!) I was super excited when unpacking some tubs of clothing that I can now wear not only my fat-day pants, but my normal old pants too! I tried on everything that I found, even though this can be a scary thing. I still remember a month or two after Sawyer getting my fat-day pants halfway up my thighs and thinking, "Oh no. This is not going to work," and taking them off. Really disheartening. But today almost everything fit! Now I feel almost like I have tons of new clothes. When did I collect so many pairs of jeans??? That's at least one thing I don't need to buy if I get anything new this fall. Unless I get some skinny jeans to go underneath my weird gray boots... :)

The Joy and Struggle of Staying at Home

I've had several discussions recently with other moms about staying home after having kids. I find it interesting how staying at home used to be what everyone did, then women started working, then it became trendy to stay home again, and now it seems like, depending on your circle, it may be trendy to be at home or it may be trendy to work. (I say trendy, but sometimes it's just plain necessary, whether it's home or work.) There are now catch phrases online for this--SAHM is a stay-at-home-mom and WAHM is a work-at-home-mom.

I would say I'm somewhere between a WAHM and a SAHM. It's hard to say I work at home when I don't make money yet for my work (writing). And it's not a full-time work at home job--right now I'm just getting in two hours a day, if I'm able. I wanted to stay home, and am thankful that because of Rob's job, we can afford this. It does mean that we (attempt to) stick to a tighter budget, but to us, it's worth it. I really want to be home with our kid(s) and have that great time when they're little. I do want to write and hopefully someday supplement our budget with that income, but for now, the most important thing (as I've said before) is the S man.

It is a blessing to be able to be home. But I also knew it would be a struggle for me, and some days more than others I see that. Denise, my sister-in-law, and I were talking about how funny it is that sometimes when you're staying at home, you long for a normal office job--something that would be out of the house, that had definite beginning and ending hours, and that you didn't have to bring home with you. Staying home and being a full-time-mom means that you're on duty 24-hours a day. And often it can feel fruitless. Yes, you are doing very important work. But you don't get to see some kind of tangible result necessarily, and you may not get the reward of having your kid even thank you for all those sacrifices! There are days when I am loving every minute of being at home with the little guy, and there are moments where I wish that I was making maps like Kia, or teaching like Laurie. Being a full-time Mom and pouring into a person is exhausting. Rewarding, but exhausting.

Then I think of how it must be for Kia, who works that office job and THEN comes home and is full-time mom as well. How the heck do you do that?? That sounds infinitely harder. I don't know that I could juggle that, so props to you Moms who are working full- or part-time, whether in or out of the home. I guess in some ways, the grass may always seem greener, but being a parent in general is just filled with joys and struggles. And all in all, I'm thankful for what I've got!

Personal Style, or Lack Thereof

I have always had this dilemma: I don't really "get" style and fashion. I have a lot of preferences for things I like and don't like, but get confused about what I personally should or should not wear--what is ME. I debate about this. Is something "me" because I choose to wear it and rock it? Or are there are defined set of things that are "me" because of my personality, size, etc etc? You hear people saying all the time, "That is so no me" or "That is totally you!" My problem is that I fall in love with things like these boots, that I just don't really know if I'd wear. I don't know that they're ME. I tend to buy a few things a year that I absolutely LOVE and then when I get them home, I never ever wear them, because I realize they're not me, or they don't go with anything I own. Like the year I asked for cowboy boots for Christmas (then returned them) or when I wore my mother's blazers with long shorts, hose, and flats (which may be sort of okay, except my mother is like 5 inches taller than me, so I looked like a little kid or something and shorts were not allowed, so I got sent home from school).

In any case, I am reminded of that when I think of these boots. And I can't stop thinking about them. I want them. I love them. And I don't know why. They're sort of ugly, now that I look at them. I tried them on in the store, and this made me really want them more, thought they totally looked odd with what I had on. When I got home and looked at them online, I thought, "Why do I like these? They look like Puss in Boots." My mother agreed with me. But here I am, the next morning, thinking about these boots! I just can't figure out what to do about them, and the bigger question I'm trying to answer has to do with my personal style. I don't know what it is! A few years ago I went through a really womanly phase, where I only wanted to wear things from Ann Taylor loft. Now I'm back to where I am most comfortable: kind of funky comfortable. I LOVE graphic T's and can't be without flip flops, but also love fun skirts and wedge heels. If I could, I would get my nose pierced. (That would be difficult with Rob's job in youth ministry right now.) I like things that are fun.

So, let me ask you: What factors determine your personal style? Can you just decide something is you and by wearing it convince other people? Or are there factors you can't control that determine what is or is not YOU?

Proud to Be a Texan

I got my drivers licence today in the mail. If you didn't read my post about going to DPS to get it, check here. I was disappointed that my photo turned out not runaway-bride at all. I look kind of cute, actually. Sigh. But you know, I am surprised how happy I was to finally be (officially) a Texan again!

Okay, Is My Child a Monkey?

The last few days I have noticed something very strange about Sawyer--he seems to be trying to use his feet as hands. I know--weird. Yesterday he grabbed my arm with his feet like in a vise-grip. And not just an accident. It was a deliberate arm-grab with the feet. I had to pry him off. Then today, when Mom was playing with him in the floor, we noticed that he was trying to grab his toy with his feet, even to the point of spreading his toes out to get a better grip. In the same way that you can watch the intense concentration on his face when he's using his hands to grab, he was intent on picking up this toy with his feet. In this picture you can see a little of it, but I couldn't capture it when he actually used his feet to lift the toy off the ground. I've never heard of this in other babies--is this a normal baby development thing? Or is my kid going to use his feet as hands?

Yay, Moms!

Last week I got to have some fun time with Lynn while their power was out, and now MY Mom is here! Yay! We had a great day today hanging out with the little man. There's nothing like having your Mom coming for a visit to help out!!

Nightmares v. Night Terrors

Sawyer's sleep calmed down after the fourth night, so I'm hoping we're through the woods with what my best guess said were night terrors. I had a few conversations about what constitutes night terrors or how they're different from nightmares, so I wanted to post a bit about what I learned.

Nightmares can occur in any stage of sleep where you dream. A person having a nightmare is easily awoken from sleep and may easily remember his or her bad dream. They occur throughout a person's lifetime.

Night terrors occur only in stage 4 sleep (see this site for description of sleep stages), usually within fifteen minutes to an hour of falling asleep, and occur only in the first couple of hours. A person having a night terror may appear to be awake, but actually is still asleep--though he or she may be screaming, crying, moving around, or have his or her eyes open. He or she will usually have no memory of this episode, and will move past the night terror into regular sleep on his or her own. Night terrors are most common in children between 2-6, but can occur at any age. Often it's a hereditary thing.

If your child has a nightmare, he may awaken crying or calling for you. Or, if you hear your child crying or screaming in his or her sleep, he will be easily awoken when you comfort him. With a night terror, you may think your child is awake because his eyes may be open or he may be moving about the room, but he will actually still be asleep, and you should not wake him. The best advice I read for night terrors is to let the child move past the night terror on his own, but anything that may harm him if he is moving about.

Here is why I think Sawyer was having night terrors. He had screaming and crying bouts during only the first few hours of sleep. There was no other cause or change that occurred in our routine, nor did he cry or scream when he was awake. When I went to comfort him, he was definitely not awake, and did not wake up when I lay next to him, rocked him, or spoke soothingly to him. The episodes seemed to pass on their own and he would move back into calm sleep. The first two nights, I thought he was just waking up, but it was unusual for him to scream--he's not a big crier. I tried gas drops one night, thinking he must be in pain, but after that, he still had a few screaming episodes.

I really do hope that this isn't a recurring thing with him, as it was so disturbing to watch him scream and writhe around in bed. I prayed for him, asking God to give him peace, and rocked him until the episode passed. We'll see if this recurs, and if so, at least I feel that I know a little more about what's going on!

Why I'm Returning My iPhone

This week, I was surprised by an iPhone. I had talked about getting a Blackberry forever, and thought it was something that I could justify when (if) I got paid for writing. But we ended up joining Rob's parent's family plan to save money, and there was a deal in the store on iPhones. So I got an early birthday present!

I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of things to do on the iPhone and mostly let Rob play on it. Then I got into it, especially as our wireless went down. It was fun checking my email while in line at the grocery store, for example. But we're taking it back, and here are some of the reasons.

-The keypad is frustratingly hard to use, even with the handy auto-correct feature.
-Charging the thing all night does not ensure that it will work all day. My battery ran out today at 6pm.
-While the internet is fun, it froze and shut down on me four times today. That's not good for being three days old.
-I feel self-conscious using it in public. Kind of like driving a Mercedes or something. It makes a statement that I don't necessarily like, or that may not accurately reflect our actual wealth.
-The touch pad thing freaks me out. And sometimes is blinky.
-The reception is not great in my living room. I hung up on my mother twice. Not on purpose.
-And the biggest reason: When we already pay $30 a month for internet in my home, this is really superfluous.

So, iPhone--you're a fun toy. But I don't need you.

Buddies

The excitement and fascination Sawyer has with Tex is not quite as well returned. Tex seems a little wary of Sawyer, and well he should be, as Sawyer likes to reach for things--like Tex's eyes. But I know that they'll be great buddies when Sawyer is old enough to know boundaries!
Aw. Getting licked by his big brother.
This is cute. I don't know what Tex's face is all about. I think he was sneezing.

Hurricane Recovery

It's easy for you to forget that people are still struggling when you have power and A/C, and the only reminder for you that there was a hurricane is the pile of leaves and debris you're waiting for the city to remove. Most people have gotten back to normal and, in many ways, so have we. I'm still wanting to volunteer, but so far the places that would be best for me and Sawyer won't have us. I need to make more of an effort to call and explain that having a baby with me is not a problem, since he's in a sling and not running around, but the Food Bank liason said no one under 8 years old. Kind of frustrating to want to help and be turned away. On my part, though, I need to get on the phone and find somewhere that will let me help.

In any case, there are other reminders even in my mostly-restored area, like the many street lights still out, making stoplights into four-way-stops. I really can't wait for that to be fixed, since people are losing their patience. We were almost hit the other day by an angry man going out of turn, who honked at me, though it was my turn to go. Another crazy thing is the food shortage in the grocery stores. At first I couldn't find milk or eggs. Now they have those things, but are out of things like chicken, ice cream, and juice. The city is getting back on its feet for sure, but it's a long road ahead, and people in different areas are at various stages of recovery.

All the oil is gone. Is everyone frying turkeys?
There is milk, but it's in short supply!
Where the OJ should be...there is only space.

My Failed Day

I talked recently about meltdowns, and I feel like I'm sort of having one continual meltdown. Things really are not bad, I have just felt sort of on-edge lately. And then I have days like today. I hope you can laugh at this, as I am now doing at the end of the day.

Things That Were Hard Today:

-Sawyer taking only two 45-minute naps, which meant no writing
-Finding a someone's lost dog, catching it, staying on hold with the SPCA for 20 minutes only to be told they couldn't pick him up, making signs for him, having Rob hang them in the neighborhood only to have the dog escape from our backyard
-Staying on hold for 20 minutes with Comcast, only to be told my wireless problem wasn't their problem
-Staying on hold for 10 minutes with Belkin, then talking to a guy who barely spoke English for 25 minutes trying to get the wireless up, only to find out that the reason his troubleshooting "tips" didn't work was because during the course of the phone call, someone cut through our internet connection in the backyard with a shovel
-Having Sawyer refuse to nurse tonight when I know he was hungry
-Going grocery shopping only to find that because of the hurricane, more than half the things on my list are not in the grocery store
-Going to the gym tonight after Rob got done with work only to find out that because of the hurricane, there is a curfew, which means my 24-hour gym is not open at 11pm

It could be worse. I could be one of the almost-million people without power, or one of the countless people without a home. I know this. But still, in the midst of a failed day, it's hard to keep that perspective. I did laugh about the gym thing, but it took me until 11pm to find any of this humorous. Mostly I just got upset.

I keep coming back to a verse I read this morning in Isaiah, which I think I need to remember during days like today.

Isaih 46:4- Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

I Love My Husband

That has nothing to do with this post, which is a cute video of my son sitting up by himself. The reasons I love my husband are more deep than this, but I am super glad that he fixed the wireless. Now about this video--Sawyer can sit up by himself. But not on totally flat surfaces. He's got to have something to give himself leverage. Still, I think it's an amazing trick for a four-month old.

Wireless and Brain Dead

So our wireless broke. Then we cut the cable in the yard for our Internet. If not forthis iPhone, I would have no connection to the outside world. Here's why I'm taking this thing back as soon as the wireless is back up. It's 6pm. The battery already needs to be charged,though I charged it last night. Also, it cut off twice today for no apparent reason. Also, I just feel like I don't need it. If I make money writing then maybe I'll get a data phone. For now,there's no need to be this spoiled. I can't wait for mom to get here tomorrow--I'm losing it: big time.

A Grr Kind of Day

So, I have all this stuff to post but our wireless has a problem so I can't do it. However, I can do this itty bitty text post from the new iPhone that I feel spoiled to have. Hopefully tomorrow we will get this figured out because as cool as this thing is, it took like ten minutes to type this on the touchpad. I am many things, but I may not be patient enough for this gadget. Look for fun posts tomorrow!

SuperMom

These days, it's not uncommon for me to have some kind of a meltdown every few days, if not every day. They range from full-blown meltdowns with tears and emotional overdrive to mini-meltdowns where I just need ten minutes to breathe and be alone. And often I don't see them coming--I'll have a great day and be loving life and Sawyer and Robbie, and then all of the sudden, I'm dangerously close to the edge. Yesterday was one of those days. It was a mini-meltdown, but a meltdown all the same. Sawyer was tired, but got all worked up and wouldn't nurse or sleep and just fussed for an hour. I got really hungry and tried to eat dinner in the midst of him fussing, then knocked my glass of wine in the floor. I didn't care so much about the glass--I cared thtat it was the last glass of wine in the house.

Rob, sensing my distress, took Sawyer and Tex for a twenty-minute walk and I got to enjoy a few moments to myself. By the time they got back, Sawyer had calmed down, and I was ready to feed him and put him to bed. That's all it took--twenty minutes alone. But those twenty minutes were SO important to me in the moment.

I hung out with Kelly today and we talked about the need for honesty about our weaknesses. It's okay to need those stolen moments. (And this doesn't not just apply to people with kids!!) It's okay to say, "I'm going to have a nervous breakdown if I don't just have a minute to myself!" I think sometimes we have this idea about parenting (or just life) that we need to appear perfect. I mean, we all know we're not perfect, right? But still we are constantly putting on these faces as though we can fool everyone else. There are no supermoms.

So, here's to admitting imperfection. And the need for a break, and a breakdown, now and then.

Floor Play

Sawyer also got a chance to hang out with Hayley at Kelly's. Three days apart, and doing pretty much the same baby stuff.
Hey, look at us! We're doing tummy time!
Getting tired and frustrated, as babies are wont to do.

What Sawyer Wants for Christmas

Today at Kelly's, Sawyer found what he wants for Christmas. How cute is this?
Kelly playing with my little man.
Seriously, could this be any cuter? My little guy looks like a little boy.
Steering wheels taste like...plastic.
A common trend, I guess.

Freddy Krueger Visits Sawyer

So, I think Sawyer is having night terrors. The past three nights, he's been having these intense crying fits without waking up during the first few hours he's asleep. He can be comforted out of it within a few minutes usually, but they happen often--tonight I've been in there probably six times, and he's only been asleep an hour and a half. It's really sad to watch him writhe around and cry and not know why. Nothing in our routine has changed; I haven't eaten any weird foods before bed; and during his awake hours, he's totally normal. My poor little man! Any thoughts??

Work Update

With all this Ike drama, I have not had much time for writing. I tend to write in the afternoon when Sawyer takes a long nap. IF he takes a long nap. If not, we just go in spurts. I got to sit down a little yetserday and then stayed up late tonight finishing up edits and adds to the second chapter. I'm now almost thirty pages into my edit/add stage, and have added almost fifteen pages. I'm really liking this project, and it's nice that I feel a desire to write--probably because it's something I hardly have time to do! That just makes me want to be at my desk more. Plus I'm really loving my new writing room and having the windows open with this strange cool front we've had.

In frustrating news, I'm tired of waiting to hear about my first novel. And REALLY tired of hearing about celebrities writing books (ahem, Lauren Conrad. ahem, ghostwriter.) and am NOT excited that Candace Bushnell is writing a sort of pre-Sex and the City for teens. Ugh.

Damage

If you want to see some crazy before and after photos of Bolivar, go here. Unbelievable!

What My Life Will Look Like with Three Kids

Lynn and Buck are watching Jackson and Ila, Chris and Krista's two smallest ones, while they enjoy Italy. Since Buck and Lynn have had no power, we took them in along with the kiddos and for the last few days, Sawyer has gotten to see what it would be like to be the youngest of three kids. We've enjoyed the company, and here are a few shots of what life will maybe look like one day in the future. Except that I bet none of ours will have blond hair!!


The aftermath.
Buck with a lapful.
All three enjoying the exersaucer.

Ode to Cloth Diapers

This is why I missed cloth diapers during our power-less times. If you can't tell, click for larger and look toward the BOTTOM of the photo. Peter just thought he was smiling for a cute picture. :)

Breastmilk as Gourmet Food

Laurie, I love you for finding this article. Click here to read about a Swiss restaurant using breastmilk in its food. Wow.

Yay for Will and Tara's Wireless!

Thanks to Will and Tara and Baby Campbell down the street for the use of their wireless. I'm going to post our hurricane pictures finally! I know that Rob would want me to put them on our photo blog, since it is our photo blog, but here are a few. Click this link to see all the photos!!

Our house the day before Ike. Our house after. We have less shade now...

I'm (Briefly) Back!

So, we still don't have internet in our house, and I can't complain because we have POWER. And no damage. We did have flooding, but only because of our dysfunctional washing machine, not the storm. Ironic. (Or is it??) Things were so wild with the storm and I can't wait to post my pictures. I feel like we were very fortunate, and not just us, but the city as well. Though there is tons of damage, especially on Bolivar, this storm could (and should!) have done much worse. It will be a slow recovery, but there is recovery. People are helping each other out, because that's what Texans do, and we've really been blessed by hospitality and friendliness and neighbors and hope that we've been that to others. Buck and Lynn are with us now and so are Jackson and Ila, Chris and Krista's two little ones. Hopefully by the end of the week I will have internet in my house and then I'll put up pictures of everything. I'm dying without the internet, even though I just said I shouldn't complain. It's hard! Thanks for all your thoughts and comments--I had fun in my pre-Ike posting mania. I'll be up and running again soon!!

yIKEs UPDATE

This is Kiki's dad and she asked me to pass along that she and Rob are back in their house and have power restored but their wireless is not working yet. They had neither wind nor water damage and feel very blessed. As soon as their wifi is restored she will post a description of their ordeal complete with pix. Stand by!

Last Family Photo Before We Lose Power!

We know that we'll lose power soon, as it's moving through Houston, so here is our last family photo before it goes!!