Today was just kind of one of those days. And it's not Tuesday yet, so here's to hoping I make it through tomorrow!! Usually Tuesdays are my bad days, but today was sort of inexplicably hard. I got to work out, which was nice, and I got out of the house twice--hanging out with Braden this morning and going to the store in the afternoon. So it should have been okay, or even great, but it was just a hard day.
I think it all boils down to me being an introvert and needing (or wanting?) that ME time. Time where I'm doing something (or nothing) that's just me alone. Sawyer took an hour nap this morning (when I went to the gym), but this afternoon, it was a half-hour. No matter what I tried, that was the longest he would sleep. So other than eating a brief meal and checking my email, I got nothing done. My writing desk is piled high with notes to myself and Christmas cards I haven't sent yet (that's right--I'm not done sending Christmas cards), and I don't know when I'll be able to uncover it to begin writing again. I have some painting I'd like to do, but by the time I would set things up, Sawyer would for sure be waking up, so forget that.
I'm learning about my own selfishness, I think, and about the nature of a servant. Or, at least, maybe that's what I'd be learning if I didn't complain about it. Parenthood in general is a long lesson in dying to self, as I've said here before, and I do think that nothing is more rewarding that pouring your life into someone else. I kept thinking of Paul in the Bible talking about being poured out like a drink offering, which is really out of context, but how I feel all the same.
I know that it's good, but I also long for balance, for a few minutes to myself, for a break. I know I have it so good--now that derby is starting (I made the league!!) I'll have three nights a week where I'm able to put on skates, get knocked around, and love every minute of it. I also have a great, loving husband, who is home more than many I know, so I should be grateful. But I think stay-at-home-Moms everywhere can echo this, no matter what your situation: even when you love your child, sometimes the days seem long.
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