It just hit me today, really hit me. I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY!! I've known this all along of course, and believed it or disbelieved it in varying degrees, but I just realized how close we're coming. In four weeks, I'd be cleared for a home birth. FOUR. Not that I'm going to have the baby in four weeks, but the reality that I COULD freaked me out. Yes, I'm ready to have my body back to myself. But no, I'm really not ready yet for labor OR for the new addition to our fam.
It makes me want to hug Sawyer tighter to me, knowing that we're approaching the end of an era. Rob and I talked the other night about what we're excited and freaked out about, and I am most freaked out about the adjustment for Sawyer. We've had 19 months of pouring out all of our parental love and focus solely on him. And suddenly, in the moment that the Beast shows his or her head (and rest of body), we will be parents playing man-to-man, as Rob says. It's been 2 on 1 so far and I know that he is secure in our love. We've all established our relationships and our patterns and our routines and our comfort zones. Which will all be changed, subtly and not-so-subtly with the arrival of a new family member.
It's too late to turn back! Not that I want to, but at this point in pregnancy, I felt last time and feel now the headlong rushing toward the end. (Yes, some things seem to drag, such as my giant pregnant body..) I'm struck again by how strange the time passes in pregnancy--it takes almost a full year to grow the little one, and it feels both like forever and a moment.
Wishing you well in the last stages of pregnancy!
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