This has been a full week. Not full as in busy, though it's been that too, but full as in heavy. In addition to the beginning of the whole putting-the-house-on-the-market stress (and already, it's stressful) and having a kid get sick (Saw, today), Rob and I saw two very young people we know lose their battles with cancer.
On Thursday, one of our church families lost their son Nick. He was 22 and had been married maybe two years. I only met him once or twice, but Rob is close with his brother who went through the youth group, and Nick's sister is still in the youth group. Nick was diagnosed about the same time Lynn was, and while it was totally a joy to see the Lord really bring her through, Nick has been struggling this whole time. It's still really hard to believe, and I just can't imagine the loss his family or his wife feel at this time.
Today I got word that my friend Patrick also lost his battle with cancer. I spoke about him recently and linked to his blog (which you can visit HERE for ways to help and support his wife and daughter). It's been a month or so since I got word that he was doing poorly, and have prayed and cried and had preparation for this, but still find it so hard.
In the cases of Nick and Patrick, I know that they knew and trusted Jesus. (And by that I mean that rather than relying on whatever good things they might have done to earn a spot in heaven, they trusted that Jesus lived a perfect life that we couldn't and died on the cross, taking away punishment we deserve.) I joyfully and tearfully know that they are with him now, seeing his face, partaking of a banquet in heaven.
It's tearful because of what they leave behind, and even how they left. Rob saw Nick and his family this week and said it was just sad beyond words. I saw a photo of Patrick this week and really didn't recognize him, except for a familiar bit of his mouth. It shocked me. His daughter was also in the photo, and that made it so real. Both these young men leave behind so much: wives, a daughter. Parents and siblings and friends around the country and world who are mourning right now.
I totally meant to write about something else here, and maybe later I will tackle it, but as I was writing, the words of a song I wrote a few years ago came back to me. It's not an amazing song or anything, but here's why I'm sharing it. I sat down to write a gospel song in Greensboro (think: country gospel, not gospel choir) and was kind of writing about heaven and putting down ideas, when suddenly the song was not so much about heaven being a wonderful place, but my issues with it. Namely: the idea that we don't always get there at the same time with our earthly loves, and I don't know what that relationship looks like on the other side.
Jesus once rebuked some people who were testing him, saying that people won't be married in heaven, but will be like angels. That sounds fine and dandy, but what about my husband!?! I'm sure when I'm IN heaven, I'll understand and not care. But here on earth, the idea of going to heaven doesn't sound like heaven if I'm not with the people I love now. Plus, the idea of going at separate times who knows when just is not something I want to think about. This week, that's definitely more real.
It's not really a spiritual or theological song, but just one about how I FEEL. And as I've posted before regarding the Psalms, being honest is a good thing. If I'm being honest, it's just really hard to see the loss left behind when our earthly loves depart, EVEN if you know their suffering has ended.
With that in mind, here is that song, which became not a gospel song, but more a country ballad where I rant and rail a bit to God.
Without My Baby
When that day comes, I will be ready
To fly away from here into the great blue sky
But I won't go without my baby
That's why I'm holding onto him so tight
I don't mean to tell you, Lord, the way that it should be
Just consider me the least of all and this my sinner's plea
Nothing can compare to you, but Lord my faith is weak
Forgive me, but I won't go without my baby
I know that it's not right for me to love someone this much
But I'd rather err on that side than not loving near enough
You gave my baby to me and he's yours to take away
But knowing and believing are two very different things
I don't mean to tell you, Lord, the way that it should be
Just consider me the least of all and this my sinner's plea
Nothing can compare to you, but Lord my faith is weak
Forgive me, but I won't go without my baby
Could there be a heaven without my baby's love?
Would it be the same if I'm alone?
I know the thing to do is let go and simply trust
I guess that I'm just not the trusting kind
That day has come and you've been faithful
Not that I'm deserving, but Lord your word is true
I look across the River Jordan
On the other side, I see him there with you
I don't mean to tell you, Lord, the way that it should be
Just consider me the least of all and this my sinner's plea
Nothing can compare to you, but Lord my faith is weak
Forgive me, but I won't go with out my baby
a friend of mine died unexpectedly of a heart attack while cycling with his young son. it was such a shock and so sad (it was in our church bulletin since he and his wife attended here a long time age at t.h. roger). we just received a christmas card from them and we received the phone call a week later. there was no time to say good-bye. he was a godly man. his wife told me that he was her best friend. she doesn't have close friends near where she lives. it's that much harder to say good-bye and so much sadder for his family.
ReplyDeletei am with you.
I'm so sorry to hear that, May! It's so hard when it's a shock like that as well. I know that if you KNOW someone is dying, you have the chances to say goodbyes and have closure...but really, it's hard no matter what when loved ones die. May God bring you comfort!
Deletethanks, i am definitely making more of an effort to see my friends here in town.
Deletei have been to three funerals in a month, i guess i am getting older...
Very good article. Congratulations.
ReplyDelete