Yesterday was lovely.
With little children, if you have a lovely day, that means one of several things. It may mean that your children had an angelic day and did everything you asked without whining or complaining. They did not climb furniture or poke each other in the eye. They did not poke you in the eye. That explanation is unlikely. Usually it really means that you had either a strange joy that enabled you to enjoy the eye-poking and the whining, or else your children's surprisingly lovely behavior was in greater proportion than their normal child behavior.
We had a little of both. Despite a headache and generally dragging body, I had a unique sense of wonder that today, my boys are my boys. I have two children and I am so thankful for them! Their noses! Their smiles! Their voices and questions and stories--even when they are interrupting. Their smells and the softness of their skin and the way they have to both be on top of me all the time. Today was a day of really experiencing the joy of my own kids.
It helped that they were pretty much more good than bad.
I received thanks for making dinner. I got kisses for no reason. I was shared with, and they shared with one another. They both sat in my lap together for once, not fighting about whose turn it was but scooting just enough. We had some neat, actual, human conversations. They sang songs with me and just wanted to be with me.
I found out at the end of my wonderful day that October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I didn't know such a day existed and I'm glad it does. I have not experienced the loss of miscarriage the way so many women have, or the loss of a child the way many parents have. I feel blessed to have my boys. I feel thankful for them. I feel wonder at their existence. I sometimes wonder if the rug is about to be pulled out from under me because I'm so happy with my life. (And just for the record, there are also days that I struggle to make it through without feeling like I should lock myself in the closet and cry.)
It feels fitting that I had a day of wonder on October 15, and I'm glad that I found out after my wonderful day that it was a day of remembrance. I think it's important that we have such days--to allow people a chance to grieve and comfort, and also remind us to be thankful for those loved ones we do have. But I also hope that I can live my every day with a sense of wonder and thanks for my children, my family, my loved ones.
May each day be a day of wonder, and may those who have suffered loss be comforted.